Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.The Sovereign Lord is my strength he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. (Habakkuk 3:17-19 NIV)
This may just very well be one of my favorite bible passages of all time. I was reminded this at an emotional night at church. I’m getting ahead of myself though, you need the back story first.
One May day, I called my step-dad, Chris, after I got home from school. This was an everyday thing, just trying to find out when he’d be home from work. No answer. Now, I didn’t think much of this knowing he’d call back in no time. But, after about 45 minutes, there was no response. So I attempted again, and still no answer. Around 5:00, my mom came home eager to tell Chris and I about her new “dream job” offer. Come to find out, no Chris was not home to hear the excitement. Frantic, my mom went to search for him. She went to his work, gym, and local grocery store. He was nowhere to be found.
To make a long story short, after four hours at the police station, worrying, searching, searching, and more searching, Chris’ truck was found in one of his favorite hunting spots. Now what you need to know is, Chris might just have been the happiest man in the world, except for the days prior. Chris had not been himself. How did we not see it, we asked ourselves quite frequently.
About an hour later, family friends who had been searching all day long walked in our house. I could tell something was wrong. Then I knew it. I knew the awful fact I would be hearing very soon. I burst into tears on my best friend’s mom. Chris had died. I would come to find out, Chris had killed himself. Shocking.
At Chris’ funeral, we used the bible passage Habakkuk 3:17-19. In days to come, these verses would keep me going. They would be my hope and my life story. YET. Yet, I will rejoice in the Lord. With all that had happened all we could do was praise God, and trust his plan for us.
After church last night, I remembered how much these verses meant to me, and how much God has loved me through all the hurt I’ve been through.
I love and miss you Chris.